You’ll have to forgive me if this comes out a little more quick and dirty than what I usually post. (It should be noted: that statement is as much to myself as to anyone reading.)
I’m in a rush because I’m leaving.
On a jet plane.
Don’t know when I’ll be back again.
If you follow me on Instagram, you might know I’ve been spending the past few weeks up in West Point, NY visiting my family. That, in itself, is always an interesting story to tell people. When they learn my parents live in New York, the natural assumption is that I’m from there, so it’s always a surprise when they find out, no, we’re all from Texas. Even more of a surprise when they learn that it was my parents who moved away first.
I always love coming up here. Partly for my family, a lot for the food. But this trip was even more relaxing because it was very much needed, and I didn’t even know how much until I got up here.
Home is a tricky word that I’ve written about before. It got away from me for a while there. Part of the reason I went to Atlanta was to try and find it again. How surprising it was then when I found it in New York. It’s not altogether surprising. It is my parents’ house after all. A little part of me will always be comfortable wherever they are. That’s what love does.
But it’s a little funny, because I had never been to their house before. They just moved this summer after selling the house they had been living in up here, so they have a brand new place that I had never seen. But the moment I set foot in it, it was home to me. I didn’t realize it until the next day when I was sitting on their living room couch, and I was relaxed.
When you haven’t been relaxed for a long time, being relaxed can feel almost foreign, and when you are finally able to relax you realize how long it’s been since you were able to.
I haven’t felt at home for a long time. I came to Atlanta to make a home. I see now that I have just yet, which is why this trip was so necessary and so good. This summer was long and hard for more reasons than I care to name, and I knew if I could only get to August, only get up here, I would be able to take it easy. The timing ended up being perfect.
But most of all I just got to be. It’s something I’m learning is so fleeting for so many of us. It’s a privilege to be able to separate yourself from your worries and your burdens and your questions. I wish it wasn’t. But it is. And I’m trying to be grateful for that.
Because I have to go back. Back to all the questions I didn’t have answered before I came up here. I got to put life on hold for a little while. Not really, but it felt that way. So, it’s hard not to feel like I’m diving back into the deep end, no more equipped to handle anything than I was when I left.
I know that’s not true. I know this wasn’t a pause but a breather. Laying down our burdens is part of how we learn to carry them better. And it’s how you carry it that matters.
So here’s to going back to the “real” world. If that’s even a thing.
In the end, we never know what lies ahead. That’s why we need to appreciate what we have and what we get to experience all the more. And love the people around us, who lend us pockets of home so we can go and build the word for ourselves.